ITS OKAY TO BE BUTCH BUT NOT FEMME? (HARDSHIPS OF BEING A FEMME) PART II

In the previous blog I explained the hardship of femmes, and how they are constantly subjected to the sexism of men in todays society, and continously bombarded with unwanted, lusty, sexual comments. Femmes are always being seens as objects of lust and desire, and constantly have to explain to men that they are lesbians. This means that femme lesbians have to verbally "come out" to people on the daily basis, and not just to the men who are approaching them, but to new acquantinces or associates who may mistake them for heterosexual..

Butch women are priviledged not to have to subjected to these kind of things because their appearance speaks for them. However, many Butch lesbians would agree that this isn't a priviledge. Being a butch lesbian you now stepping outside the box of what society defines as a woman, and as we all know, whenever anyone steps out the box, and decides not to conform to the many rules of mainstream society, there is a problem.

So back to answering the question "Why is it okay to be a Femme lesbian and not a Butch lesbian"

I think one of the biggest issue with men, and sometimes women, with seeing butch women is the fact that they feel tricked, somehow. They see this "person" who appears masculine, who walks like a man, and who's dressed like a man, and they begin thinking that YOU ARE A MAN, becuase todays society automatically, without thinking ,associate the appearance of short hair and "mens" clothing as someone who is a man. So when they realize that you are NOT an actual man. They feel somewhat, mentally "violated" And you now don't fit into one of their boxes, and they are confuesed, when you don't conform to this order that has been created of what men look like and women look like, it creates chaos for those with a heteronormative outlook, who only understand TWO genders(male=masculine, female=feminine). This especially makes them feel uncomfortable if they feel so kind of attraction towards you. With women, who are uncomfortable around butch lesbians, its usually because when they first see you, they see you as a MAN, and sometimes form an attraction to you, and begin to have thoughts of "Oh, "he" is kinda cute" or "I like "him"" and there associating these feeling with their heterosexuality, and then once they realize that you are not a MALE, they feel such a variety of feelings, that they dont understand, like, INSECURITY, they start to think that because they found a "girl" attractive, now they must be gay. So now the butch lesbian has threaten their sexuality.

And in the previous blog, I explained how the butch makes men feel emasculated, when seen in a butch/femme relationship because now the man feels excluded. And feels threaten that women can actually engage in relationships, sex, and satisfying lives without MEN!

The other problem as men is that the only role they see for women is to be SEXUAL OBJECTS. Men feel as if women were put on earth to be submissive, passive, and timid partners, who are dependent upon having a man. And I'm speaking generally, not for all men. But the Butch doesnot conform to this idea of what a women should be or act like this, and this is offensive to those men with sexist and misogynistic views.

I would like to conclude this by giving a solution to this problem. The reason why these issues of being seen as femme or being seen a butch is such a problem is because of the boxes that society has been forcing people into for years, and the ignorance and the condemning of anyone who steps out of these boxes or rules, or so called, "social order". And I say ignorance is a big issue because, people equate GENDER with SEX. Which is something I talk about in depth in another one of my blogs. but to put it shortly, SEX=male and female, GENDER=masculine and feminine. Your sex does not determine your gender. Its its naturally okay to be a feminine male or a masculine female. More people need to be educated on this subject so that they can be more open to the differences in people and in sexual orientation.